I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
