he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
