I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
