ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
