I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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