This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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