don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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