Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
