i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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