I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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