with your own penis?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
