My friends, they love my intelligence
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
