Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
