apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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