They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
