why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
