Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
