Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
