he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
