so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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