His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
