Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
