Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How external is "for external use only"?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
These tits shall not be calmed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
