my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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