In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
