After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
