He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
