She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
