so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
