she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
