Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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