you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
