my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
