Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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