There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
