Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
