i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
