I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
