Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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