you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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