when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
