Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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