How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
