I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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