Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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