Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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