Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
