I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
