I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
