Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
