He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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